best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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