What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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