you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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