Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
