Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
