Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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