Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
