i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
