I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize