i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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