half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
