no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No subtext here. People are naked.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize