Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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