She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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