oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
