dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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