I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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