My hand turned me down
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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