My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
