with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
