I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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