I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize