He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
