Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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