you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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