Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
