My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
