I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
