I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
