It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
