I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
