I accidentally burped into my bong.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
