Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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