You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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