you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
