no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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