I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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