I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
