well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
