Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
