I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well I just put wine in my tea
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
