Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
