He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
