ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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