I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
