I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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