Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
