This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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