i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
