I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
