hotel room ftw
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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