life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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