fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
