Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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