he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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