PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
