i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
