Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
