She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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