then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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