Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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