Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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