I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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