Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
