new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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