Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Michael Bay diarrhea
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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