just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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