I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
