I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Randomize
