I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize