The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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