somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
